Loneliness
by imnotyourpuppetdoll
Summary: On November 1st 1981, Remus Lupin had lost his four best friends in less than twenty-four hours. He is mixed with emotions, but what strikes him the most is that he is now alone and that he would forever be so. Rated T for swearing. OS.


When he stepped into Diagon Alley that afternoon, Remus Lupin knew right away that something was wrong. He could see it anywhere. People talking, agitated. In only thirty seconds, he heard it about four times. "Have you heard?" It was the only thing he could distinguish out of all this cacophony. Rumours. He had heard rumours all his life, especially during his years at Hogwarts. So, naturally, he recognized it right away. All these people seem to be talking about the same things. Something had definitely happened recently, and he had no idea what it was. He had been on a secret mission for the Order recently, had only come back to his flat very early this morning and had slept, or more tried to sleep, all day, until half an hour ago. What surprised him and made him begin to worry, was that people were looking at him. Not everyone, so it wasn't something about him directly (he had feared for an instant that his werewolf nature had been discovered somehow while he was away), but a few people were actually looking at him… apologetically. By Merlin, what the hell had happened? Then, he heard it, tearing him from his reverie. A name. A very familiar name had been pronounced by a woman sitting at a table in front of Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. "Harry Potter", she had said. Remus felt his heart tighten with fear and worry. Had something happened to the Potters? What hadn't anybody written to him if it had?

All he needed now was to spot a familiar face. Someone he knew and trusted to tell him what all this agitation was about. And he did. Only, it wasn't how he had expected it. Someone was selling the Daily Prophet, and on the front page was a picture of his friend, Sirius Black. He took it from the newspaper man's hand and gave him two Galleons instead.

The big title said **Voldemort defeated; Harry Potter, the 'Boy Who Lived'** but he didn't had the time to realize what it meant before he saw another title, just under the first one and above the picture of the Marauder. It read **Sirius Black transferred to Azkaban**. He felt himself like he was sinking. What the bloody hell had he done?

He apparated straight back to his small apartment, still holding the newspaper in his hand. He sat on an armchair, took a deep breath and opened the newspaper. He began to read the first thing that popped in front of his eyes.

_A summary of the recent events, by Rita Skeeter._

_Yesterday, October 31th 1981 is the date that will remain in history forever. It marks the end of an era. The Dark Lord had fallen. Nobody knows the real precise details, and it is very difficult to understand how and why, but it appears that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has been defeated when he was trying to kill a one year old baby. Harry Potter, son of James and Lily Potter, is the first person to ever survive the killing curse, and he is only a baby. Sources say that this very same curse rebounded and killed You-Know-Who himself instead. Unfortunately, none of the parents of the baby has survived the att-_

He couldn't read another word. He saw a drop fall on the article and realise that it was a tear and that he was crying. Feeling others streaming down his face and forming in his eyes, he tried to hold them back, took a breath once again and turned the page. He didn't know what he expected to read, but it clearly wasn't what was printed down on the paper. Chasing off his thoughts, the page that was now in front of his eyes quickly reminded him who was on the front page. Sirius.

His gaze got attracted to one sentence in particular. A sentence that contained the words "Sirius Black" and "Death-Eater" together. Remus realized that it was still the same article from Skeeter and started to read again, ignoring a small voice in his head telling him it was not a good idea to do so.

_It has been discovered that the young Sirius Black, twenty-one years old, was in fact a Death Eater, fervent supporter of the Dark Lord, despite the appearance. When sources said that the Potter family had been chased by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named for a long time and that Black was the Secret Keeper of the Fidelius Charm that was supposed to protect the family, it took the Ministry of Magic no time to put the pieces together. When they found Sirius Black, he had already committed another crime. He was standing in a street that he had blown up, killing twelve Muggles and a wizard, a young boy called Peter Pettigrew. Only a finger of the wizard was found in the rubble, which proves the force of the spells used by Black. He has been arrested and sent to Azkaban without trial, in perpetuity. _

_Sirius Black was known by all his fellow students at Hogwarts for being very good friend with the three victims, especially James Potter. They all had been sorted into Gryffindor together. A girl who was in the same year than Black at Hogwarts but in a different house, and has decided to stay anonymous, witnesses: "Sirius Black and James Potter were always seen together, with a couple of other friends. It was obvious to everyone that they were kind of leaders. They had a lot of admirers and they knew it. When Sirius Black was sorted into Gryffindor and in all the years following, people thought that he was doing everything to separate himself from the reputation the Black family held". Well, no matter the good laugh the two must have shared, it is obvious that sooner or later, the familial influence always come back full force. The Black family is one of the most ancient pure-blood families, so the young Sirius, only twenty-one years-old, I repeat, must have been easily convinced by the goals and words of the Dark Lord. _

There ended the article. Just like that. By Merlin, could they think they were allowed to drop a bomb like that and then end as if it was nothing?

Remus was crying again, but now all his feelings were mixed. Sorrow, sadness, incomprehension, anger, betrayal, loneliness. He had lost the only friends he ever had. The only people besides his father who had ever truly been there for him. All of them, in less than twenty-four hours. He had nothing left.

Lily had always been there for him; she had always supported him and helped him. Ever since first year, he had known he could trust her, and he always had. James, always laughing, always cheerful, but who had a huge heart and had taken him under his wing when he had felt the weakest. The two of them represented life itself; proving that somebody could change and evolve; showing the world what love is; never losing hope even in the darkest of times. He hadn't seen them in a long time, for they had to hide to protect each other and their baby. He had missed them very much while he had been away for his mission and had been holding on to the hope that he could see them again one day, that Voldemort would be defeated. He hadn't dared to dread that this defeat would ever mean losing his best friends too. They couldn't be gone. They just couldn't. Lily and James Potter weren't allowed to die; they just deserved to spend the rest of their life together, a happy little family. They had fought so much; they had done so much to support the cause they believed in. It wasn't fair. This bloody mad world wasn't fair. He didn't know where little Harry was now, but his only wish at the moment was that his was alright and safe.

Then, there was Peter. Peter Pettigrew, this cubby boy who had always been nice to him. Remus and Peter sometimes talked together and understood each other. They both lacked of self-confidence, but despite that, Peter had helped him as well. He had worked hard on becoming an Animagus, just so support him during the full moon. He had agreed to transform into a small rodent so he could help them all pass the Whomping Willow, while James and Sirius had chosen big majestic animals for their new form. He had agreed to do that just to help him, without ever complaining. That was it. Peter had never complained even though James and Sirius had teased him quite a lot. He was just there, always there, supporting and accepting things without ever the slightest sign of complain. Remus realized that Peter would have told him what had happened without letting him learning from Rita Skeeter's Quick-Quote Quill. He would have apparated right here, to Remus' apartment, and they would have supported each other against this tragedy. But it couldn't happen, because he too was a person Remus would never get the chance to see again. He was gone, too. He had been murdered as well… By his other best friend?

Sirius. Sirius Orion Black. Padfoot. How? Why? He had thought he had known him entirely. He had always been there for him too; he was the one person to have the idea to learn how to transform into Animagi. He had done it just to help him, just so Remus wouldn't be alone during the full moon, each month. He, like James, was somebody who behind his appearance hid a big heart… Or so did Remus thought. He had betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort and had killed Peter. How could he do such a thing to James, of all people? And to Lily, who was his best friends' wife? How could he decide to kill thirteen innocent people, including another of his best friends? How, and why? Remus just couldn't think straight. He was so mad against Sirius and against the whole world. Never ever had he thought that Sirius would be able to do such things. But some things were odd? Could Sirius really dare join the dark side? He had always seen so far away from all these ideas. And the family point? Sirius had been disowned by his parents; he had left the Black family because their ideas were too opposed. It just didn't make any sense. Yet, all the evidences proved it. How could it have been any different?

All the thinking was giving Remus a headache that matched the hole he felt in his heart. He was all alone now. His friend had betrayed him, betrayed them all, and because of him, Remus had lost the most important people in his life, almost all at once. And the Order hadn't even sent him an owl. He had been in a mission for them all, and they hadn't even had the idea to tell them that Voldemort was dead, along with James, Lily and Peter? Nobody thought of him when they had heard the news. They had left him all alone in this mess. He just couldn't believe it, all of this.

What would he be doing now? He had lost his friends but he realised just then, all of a sudden, that he had lost all the help he ever had. James had kindly been helping him financially, despite Remus' protests. He now would spend the full moon all alone, for the rest of his life. He soon wouldn't be able to pay his rent, for it was nearly impossible for him to find a job because of his werewolf condition, and he would be a burden to his father if he went to him. He truly was all alone, and he would have to deal with the mess that was his life without any sort of help. All of this because of one single person, who ironically had been the first one to talk to him in Hogwarts, to help him and bring him a feeling he had never felt before: hope. Hope that his life wouldn't be as bad as he had thought because he had friends surrounding him.

Sinking lower in his armchair and putting his face in his hand, he finally allowed himself to cry out loud.


End file.
